How Do You Deal With a Parent Not Loving You?

Question by myira_shine: How do you deal with a parent not loving you?
Long story short: my father cheated on my mother, and has yet to admit it, even when the evidence is clear. It’s been months now (since August) and he’s only proved himself to be a more cruel and awful subhuman than he was the day before. Apart from his pathological lying (which ranges from things like the affair to lying about paying the mortgage to hiding paper towels around the house and lying when asked point-blank if he hid them), he has done countless other things to our family. But specifically with regard to me, he has:
– lied to me: straight to my face, after repeated questioning, about almost everything
– made underhanded comments insinuating I’m overweight or fat (I’m 5’8″, 132), like “you shouldn’t be eating” or “no really, what size are your sweatpants? They can’t be small.”
– let the air out of the tire of the only car I use to get to school when we wouldn’t let him inside the house after he repeatedly and hurtfully denied his affair (his reasoning? “To get your attention to let me inside the house”)
– not had a conversation with me about anything (not a “how’s school?” “how was your day?” “drive safely to school”) and only asks me when I bring it up crying that he hasn’t bothered to care
– not said one kind thing to me in over a year now, and when asked about it he just shrugs and says he doesn’t know why he hasn’t
– when I asked how he planned to be a better father, he replied “give me a couple of days to think about it” …this was a month and a half ago
– did not wish me “happy birthday” on my 21st and did not once call me or contact me while I was away on a birthday trip (his reasoning? I didn’t wish him a “happy birthday”), not even to ask if I was okay or if I was enjoying myself
– told me over the phone “Listen, you are not as important as I am. And that is a fact. That is a fact.” (when asked about that hurtful statement minutes later, he said “what I meant to say was that you are not as important as me and I am not as important as you)

He has done so many other things – big to small. But I can’t believe that the same man I’m in so many pictures with could treat me the way he does now. I’m convinced he has narcissistic personality disorder so maybe he’s incapable of truly loving me. But his own daughter? It’s hurtful, but I really want to move forward. It’s hard though when you can’t even have a normal conversation with someone without feeling rejected. I’m 21 and I don’t want to grow up hating this person for all my life. But how do I deal with him not loving me? It hurts to hear people talk about their “weird” dads, or to hear dads talk about their little kids, or see dads on TV and to feel like the first 20 years of my life were a complete sham.

Best answer:

Answer by lui
Let him talk. Act like his comments don’t bother you and take it a step further and call him a nobody. He will change his tune. You see, he knows he can get to you with words so take that power away from him. Trust me I did it to my dad and he shrunk down to the sad little man he is today.

Answer by jimrich
“How do you deal with a parent not loving you?”
One way is to become your own loving parent and best friend to replace the loving and friendship such a parent did not or could not offer you. It’s about filling your self up from your own inner resources and power since the outer support is not and never was there. This is not easy unless you have very strong and healthy self esteem and self worth which is often damaged by such rotten parenting but it can be found and done with a little help.


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