How Do You Deal With a Parent Not Loving You?

Question by myira_shine: How do you deal with a parent not loving you?
Long story short: my father cheated on my mother, and has yet to admit it, even when the evidence is clear. It’s been months now (since August) and he’s only proved himself to be a more cruel and awful subhuman than he was the day before. Apart from his pathological lying (which ranges from things like the affair to lying about paying the mortgage to hiding paper towels around the house and lying when asked point-blank if he hid them), he has done countless other things to our family. But specifically with regard to me, he has:
– lied to me: straight to my face, after repeated questioning, about almost everything
– made underhanded comments insinuating I’m overweight or fat (I’m 5’8″, 132), like “you shouldn’t be eating” or “no really, what size are your sweatpants? They can’t be small.”
– let the air out of the tire of the only car I use to get to school when we wouldn’t let him inside the house after he repeatedly and hurtfully denied his affair (his reasoning? “To get your attention to let me inside the house”)
– not had a conversation with me about anything (not a “how’s school?” “how was your day?” “drive safely to school”) and only asks me when I bring it up crying that he hasn’t bothered to care
– not said one kind thing to me in over a year now, and when asked about it he just shrugs and says he doesn’t know why he hasn’t
– when I asked how he planned to be a better father, he replied “give me a couple of days to think about it” …this was a month and a half ago
– did not wish me “happy birthday” on my 21st and did not once call me or contact me while I was away on a birthday trip (his reasoning? I didn’t wish him a “happy birthday”), not even to ask if I was okay or if I was enjoying myself
– told me over the phone “Listen, you are not as important as I am. And that is a fact. That is a fact.” (when asked about that hurtful statement minutes later, he said “what I meant to say was that you are not as important as me and I am not as important as you)

He has done so many other things – big to small. But I can’t believe that the same man I’m in so many pictures with could treat me the way he does now. I’m convinced he has narcissistic personality disorder so maybe he’s incapable of truly loving me. But his own daughter? It’s hurtful, but I really want to move forward. It’s hard though when you can’t even have a normal conversation with someone without feeling rejected. I’m 21 and I don’t want to grow up hating this person for all my life. But how do I deal with him not loving me?

Best answer:

Answer by Patience
You can’t. And you won’t. You will go on with your life, and you will think you have made peace with it, but then something will happen, like you’ll see a father/daughter scene in a movie, or you’ll hear a song, or someone will mention him, or he’ll show up unexpected, and it all comes back.

Because it just doesn’t make sense.

Answer by C. M
Some people are just too damaged to be able to give anything to another person emotionally. Sounds like your dad just isn’t great parent material.

My mother didn’t have a mother and had a hard childhood. She wasn’t there emotionally for me and it hurt me for many years. I finally realised as I got older that being an adult was not easy. I made peace with her when I realised that she did the best she could under the circumstances.

When I chose to let the past be the past we were able to strike up a new friendship and are closer than ever now.

My father on the other hand never grew up and I have little contact with him. He just wasn’t a good father, and thats that. You go on with your life. We aren’t all given good parents let alone great ones. Find people who you respect that respect you and build your own new family!

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