What My Husband Just Told Me That My Depression “Is an Excuse.” What Do I Do Now? (PIOC)?

Question by : What My husband just told me that my depression “is an excuse.” What do I do now? (PIOC)?
(This is posted in another category)

I have been dealing with my depression for a long time now. I finally made the decision (about 6 months ago) to seek the help of a therapist. I have been working very hard with her to help find ways to “fix” my issues. (By recognizing them and working towards making them better.) It is a slow process but we have made some pretty significant break throughs.

My husband doesn’t understand mental health issues, (other than my “crazy” mother) and regardless of the fact that I am doing so well in therapy he just isn’t being supportive anymore. I can’t remember the last time he said he was proud of me. I don’t clean up the house, I don’t have sex with him, I just don’t care about these things, but I am trying to make these things change. I want to do these things, but I can’t birng myself to do them. I haven’t had a suicidal thought it about 3 weeks, that is a HUGE deal, but I don’t think he cares, all he wants is the house clean and he wants to have sex. (It’s been a pretty long while.)

I work full time, I am full time in school, and I have 2 young children. (We also have 2 lazy family members staying with us, and that is stressful but I don’t have the heart to put them on the street.) I can barely type this without crying. Today my husband told me that I have responsibilites as a wife and as a mother and I am not fufilling those tasks. That broke my heart beyond belief, I can’t even explain to you how bad that hurt me. He told me that I am using this depression as an excuse. This is killing me inside. Why would I ever do these things on purpose?

What do I do now? For the first time in a while I feel like I want to run away and die. I feel like my marriage is over and I can’t be with someone who has the audacity to say something like this to me. About 2 months ago, maybe 3 months ago, he told me that I was mentally unstable and that maybe he should take the kids away. I told him he can’t do that, I am taking the proper steps and seeking treatment for my illness.

Should I try to get him to understand this illness? Or do I just let him go? I love him with all my heart, he is my world but I don’t understand why he is doing this to me. I understand he is frustrated, I know he is, but so am I. I don’t understand why he can’t just pick up a book, or go to a website and read about this depression and what it is doing to me. I try to explain but he thinks I am making excuses.

Any advice would be great. Ladies if you have been through this your words of encouragement would be great. Men if you are going through this with your wife please tell me your side of the story.

I feel sick to my stomach.

(ps. I have to stay full time in school in order to defer my student loans. Trust me if it were up to me I would cut some stress and be only part time. Same with work, I can’t afford to be part time.)
Bumble bee, the house is clean but not because I clean it. He complains because he is the one who cleans but he wants ME to clean up.

Also, not that it is any of your business but my therapist works very closely with my psychiatrist, who does have me on an antidepressant. We just switched meds and dosage so I am waiting to see if this one helps better than the last.

Thanks for your lack of compassion, you could have just not answered at all.
ps. How dare you call me a failure? I work hard for my family, I am going to school in hopes of doing even better for my children. I am going to be a good example of what an education can do for someone. I love my children more than anything in this world and trust me if I could simply “snap out it” I would.

Best answer:

Answer by Bumble Bee
depression is just a chemical reaction. proven fact. it requires to put your chemical reactions back to balance. can therapy do it? NO. by doing therapy u re putting your shrink’s kids to college. and yours OUT of college. so do yourself a favor – go to an average doctor and get a prescription for antidepressants. they really work. i used to have severe depression – took pills for a few months now more than half a year – not a sign. and about not cleaning the house – shame on u. u have 2 kids, why should they suffer because u have some imaginary illness? CLEAN THE FREAKING HOUSE!!!! kids might get allergies. if u can not clean the house make someone else do it. or give kids for adoption. why should they suffer? and i agree with your husband – u re just wallowing in self pity and blaming your failures on depression

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