What Are the Chances of My 55-Year Old Sister Going to a Detox Center on Her Own if We Stop Enabling?
Question by babeboomer: What are the chances of my 55-year old sister going to a detox center on her own if we stop enabling?
We feel she is close to death. The family’s only alternative is to make a pact to not help her at all even when she gets the shakes in the morning. Some of us can’t stand to see her sick and will buy some beer when she asks, which we’re told is the wrong thing to do, although a little gets rid of her shakes.
She had a stroke 3 years ago, her legs are weak and she can’t get around good at all. She never went to rehab for the stroke.
She is always covered with black and blue marks from falling down so much while being on blood thinners.
She does nothing but stay in her bedroom. She never hardly leaves. I did get her to come over recently for 10 days but she wanted to stop at the liquor store. She had a seizure while here but refused to go to the hospital with the paramedics or us. And she will not have it checked out. (I heard it is not uncommon for alcoholics to have seizures when not drinking, but this was the first we know of).
She gets one check a month in which she makes sure she has to go to the bank for so she can then go purchase alcohol. She does not have a driver’s license and has to be taken to the bank. So, at this time it is hard to not give her a ride to the bank. But, then, of course, she wants to go to the liquor store.
I’m told if we can stick to our guns and never again give in to getting her alcohol and tell her the only help we will give her is to take her to the detox center, that she may finally break down and go for help. You cannot legally make someone go to detox (in Michigan).
If anyone had a good experience using this alternative, and the alcoholic person went to detox on their own, please let me know.
I am so frustrated and worried about losing her because she is a really nice person when not drinking. She has drunk most of her life, but there were sober periods.
I thought about the psych ward approach but I rather have her go on her own if possible. The psychiatric evaluation lock-up would be a little work to get done but I could do this. As a last resort, I’m thinking.
Best answer:
Answer by Sarah
I would suggest an intervention with a professional alcohol/drug rehabilitation specialist. They’ll be the best method for getting your sister the helps she needs.
Answer by justabigfan
I also want to suggest professional intervention. If she still unwilling to agree to rehab, how difficult is it to get someone held in a psychiatric facility for observation in Michigan? Where I live you have to prove the person is a threat to themselves or someone else, and if that’s the standard, then you have the proof. Your sister is a threat to herself. Aside from drinking alcoholically and falling often, she refuses to be treated or even seen for her seizures. These can indeed be life-threatening.* If she can be in the hospital for observation, she will begin detoxing while she’s there, and they will do what’s necessary to safely detox her. It doesn’t matter whether she’s in detox or on the psych ward for a while. She will get the same medical treatment, and she definitely needs the medical supervision to detox.
This is a very difficult situation for you and your family, and I feel for you. You obviously love your sister very much, so I was hesitant to tell you what I know to be the truth, but the truth won out. Enabling an alcoholic is depriving them of their “bottom”. Nobody gets sober without reaching their personal bottom, and that’s different for everyone. Some people get sober after they have lost everything – including home and family, but some don’t get sober even after losing all. Depriving her of her bottom, by enabling her, is depriving her of the chance to get sober. That sounds cold and harsh, doesn’t it? It’s so much easier to say it, even knowing it’s the truth, than it is to follow through with it when it’s somebody you love. You and your family need to know going in that she could get sober, but other things can happen also. You have to be prepared for that and know that you did the right thing, no matter what the result. Pray about it, if you’re a praying person. Go to an Al-Anon meeting and learn more about the disease of alcoholism. It can only help you make this tough decision.
Feel free to email me if you wish. I’ve been through this many times with friends in my 20+ year journey through sobriety, and *recently I lost a 61 year old friend who had seizures when she drank alcohol. Her last seizure ended up in a coma from which she never awakened. Her family had to decide when to pull the plug. She was a wonderful, smart, beautiful, funny lady, and I still miss her. I will pray for your sister too.
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