My Recovery From Drugs Is Unraveling…?

Question by Audrey: My recovery from drugs is unraveling…?
I’ve been clean for a few months now. My herniated disk got flared up this Monday and I was in severe pain (could BARELY walk as well as move while in bed) till Thursday where I got some narcotics. I only got 5 pills so I ran out yesterday. They weren’t enough anyways for the pain since I’m an addict but my Dad was giving them to me so they lasted. Till Thursday my parents were like “I’m so sorry you’re in pain but the worst thing they can do while you’re in the ER is get some painkillers”, but finally after persisting I made it seem as if I wanted to go there because I needed an mri and as a side note (not to seem like the junkie I am) that maybe there was something else they could do for the pain. So they gave me 5 vicodins after my dad ASKED for them since my dad and I told the docs and staff that I’m an addict.

Anyways, I feel so mad and invalidate at my parents, for watching me writh in agonizing pain for the sake of my “recovery” for so long. Instead I feel the put my “addiction” in front of my recovery. I felt so invalidated. I was already feelign shitty before all this happened. Now I got a refill from outpatiend care for the vicodin, took all of it in 6 hours, and am still in pain and didn’t even get high. I did the wrong thing, but I don’t know I think Ive reached breaking point.

Being in pain for 3 days, SEVERE 8-9 level pain, where you’re crying and laughing from the pain, and having your parents tell you to “WORK THROUGH THE PAIN” made me feel like shit. To the point that now I sit here, after not drinking since last september, with a glass of remy martin.

I’m just so mad at my parents, and I feel even more empty after how my parents invalidated my experience of pain. I feel so much hatred towards my father right now that I could seriuosly scream and throw a cake at him. So I sit here sipping on alcohol while my liver rots, drowning my hate in self-desctruction.

Best answer:

Answer by CC
You say you’ve been in recovery for a few months. Were you with NA or another group? Can you call some of those friends, who can hopefully help you through this?

So sorry you’re going through this.

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