I Can’t Forgive Myself for This, How Can I Get Past It?

Question by Lavendar: I can’t forgive myself for this, how can I get past it?
I used to have an eating disorder, so I lost a lot of weight (plus I exercised loads). People at school thought I was Anorexic, and I just figured they were insane because I still looked fat in the mirror. I “recovered” though (sometimes I return to it for a bit), and I now weigh more than when I began. I’m so sad over it. I can’t stand my body.

I’m going away to college next year. Now everyone will hate me, because they’ll think I’m lazy. In high school I was considered to be “popular” for whatever reason, and, while part of me wants to get away from having friends, I know I’ll probably still want friends (and it was nice to feel good in school, as stressed out as I was by needing to get 100s, I was socially in my “element”).

I can’t forgive myself for (partially) getting past this eating disorder. I want my favorite Hollister jeans back, I had a particular pair that was used to “measure” my progress and I miss them.

The worst part of this is that I ruined my metabolism so completely that I can’t stop gaining weight. I eat really healthy food (truly, my parents know tons about nutrition and our meals are perfectly planned out), and I drink plenty of water. It’s been a year since the worst point of it, I don’t know what’s wrong (the doctor said my thyroid is fine). I just hate being seen as lazy when I’m not, I exercise, I work hard, I plan ahead, and whatever else. Why am I still gaining weight? And, how can I feel better about college (I know how to make friends and all, and how to appear relaxed, but how can I forgive myself enough to be able to face people?)?

Thank you very much! I really appreciate it!

Best answer:

Answer by mrs_g
Sorry, but your disease is still in control of you. You might want to postpone college until you are truly recovered, because I think you are going to have a HUGE relapse if you go this year.

I feel your life is still in grave danger.

Answer by lovebugbaby
its not your fault you had an eating disorder many people have them!
and it doesn’t matter what others think anyways. also im sure college will be a fresh start for you (just be yourself and people will come).

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